First, I hate when Project Runway overlaps with Top Chef because doing two recaps a week is a major pain in the butt. Yes, it’s all about me.
Second, an hour and a half? Really, Project Runway? The last time I was clamoring for an extra half an hour, Santino was making punk lederhosen. But especially not now, since the show is not exactly in its prime, if you know what I mean.
Anyhoo, dear readers, I make no promises that I’ll be able to crank out these recaps in a timely fashion every week, at least not until Top Chef season is over, but for now, away we go. . .
Let’s meet some of the newbies, shall we?
There’s Ivy, whose incredible self-confidence is tempered with just enough irony—a kind of “You get that I’m totally full of shit and this is my TV persona don’t you?” wink—to make her bearable.
“This is going to be the Ivy Show!” she announces. “I’m a force to be reckoned with.”
Next, there’s Casanova from Puerto Rico. Yeah, dude’s name is Casanova. And let me tell you, he is every inch the heartbreaker. Okay, so he’s actually kind of sweaty and lumpy.
Also, Casanova’s accent brings the instant hilarity:
“Will New Jork jeat me? Or will I jeat New Jork?” he asks. Jeat = beat, btw. “Will New Jork take me? Or will I take New Jork by the balls?”
(Sing it with me folks: If I can take it by the balls, get Anna Wintour to answer my calls. . . it’s up to jou, New Jork, New Jork!”)
There’s cute little AJ, a poor man’s Daniel Vosovic, who designs for punk rock girls in Missouri. Both of them.
He’s very concerned that he’ll have to interact with someone scary, scaly, and old: Enter Peach, who is—gasp!—50!
“Am I going to be the oldest? Hell to the yes!” says Peach.
Am I going to overcompensate by using young person’s lingo? SFM!
We also meet Kristen, a former graphic designer who is a Johnny-come-lately to the world of fashion.
“I allow mistakes that I make to be part of the piece.” she says. “I embrace the crooked zipper.”
And her hasty exit from the show begins in 3, 2, 1. . .
Next, we meet the genuinely nutty Jason, who seems to think that his ridiculous bowler hat has some sort of intimidation factor. Honey, I’ve seen A Clockwork Orange, and you ain’t no Alex.
Jason is also the guy—and we get one of these every season—who has to go through great pains to tell us that he’s straight. He boxes! He likes boobies!
When people think he’s gay, “I have to straighten them out,” he says. See what he did there?
I know Mondo is going to bring the funny, but I haven’t quite figured out how yet.
Anyway, so all 17 (!) designers meet at Lincoln Center, the new home of Fashion Week.
Bad news, say Heidi and Tim. You’re not really on the show yet! The fact that it’s being filmed and aired on TV is besides the point! The show isn’t the show until we say it’s the show, get it?
So they’re all going to have one final “audition”: They are instructed to pull a garment from their suitcase and incorporate it into their design.
But, wait, there’s a twist: Now they have to hand their garment over to the person to their right.
This is particularly discouraging for Casanova, who had pulled out his $1,007 pair of Dolce & Gabbana pants. (I love that he insisted on mentioning those 7 dollars) and for Mondo, who was so going to wear that kilt tomorrow!
A few observations from the studio:
PiperLime is to Bluefly as Lifetime Network is to Bravo. Discuss among yourselves.
Mood Annex? Me no likey. Actual brick and mortar Mood please next week.
I can’t tell what’s worse: Jason’s design toolbelt (which Tim Gunn calls a “design corset”) or his actual design.
Mondo is making something . . .matronly? Didn’t see that coming.
Something else: I really feel sorry for eventual loser McKell because Tim Gunn totally encouraged her design. (Not before he faked her out with a “Can I be honest with you? . . . I think it’s adorable!”)
(Also, because her design was about 10 times better than the drek vomited out by Bowler boy and Casanova.)
But I’m ahead of myself.
Some halfway decent stuff comes down the runway, especially considering that they had 5 hours to create it—the shortest time ever on Project Runway.
I particularly liked AJ’s ballerina-on-crack design and Sarah’s military-inspired jumpsuit, and Christopher’s smart little cocktail dress.
You know what I didn’t love? Eventual winner Gretchen’s dress. I found it kind of blah. But if Selma Blair likes it, my opinion is obviously invalid.
The bottom 6 are:
Ivy who is criticized for getting a pair of pants and making . . a pair of pants out of them. (“I guess this won’t be the Ivy Show, after all,” she cheerfully shrugs.)
Youngblood April, a recent fashion grad, who pretty much lives in that thin line between “deconstructed” and “poorly made.”
Bowler boy, who made “my hairdressing cape when I get a haircut.” Good one, Heidi!
Poor McKell, whose oddly shaped top did have an awkward “dicky”-like appearance, but whose playful colors and full mini-skirt appealed to me. (Her garment is pictured above.)
Michael Kors calls her dress a “disco apron.” (And that’s a bad thing?)
She is also cited for PiperLime accessory wall abuse.
Casanova, whose barely-there dress inspired all the best Kors-isms of the night:
“She’s a mother of the bride who’s also a pole dancer,” his royal tan-ness says. “She’s a pole dancer in Dubai.”
Nina finds Casanova’s look fascinating: “Fascinatingly bad.”
Selma Blair adds her two cents: “I loved how daring it was in the back. I also loathed it.” Heh.
Nervous Nicholas, whose ballgown with the sweater ribbing was just plain ugly.
So there’s all this suspense about who’s going home, as Heidi implies it could be a massive cut.
In the end, though, it’s just poor robbed McKell. I knew there was no way they were getting rid of nutty Jason and Casanova.
Tim Gunn has an awkward moment with her in the green room where he calls her out for her “dubious styling.”
Sure, blame the PiperLime accessory wall.
The show ends with all the designers saying goodnight to each other, Walton’s style. For this they needed the extra half an hour?