Thursday, December 2, 2010

Hey now, you're an All-Star: The Top Chef recap

In a world where the dreaded Speidi is on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here and Bristol Palin is featured on Dancing With the Stars, it’s nice to see a show that really delivers on its promise.
These guys actually are All Stars and pretty much the exact cast I’d want to see, with the notable exception of Sam (for obvious  reasons) and Stefan (cause he was such an entertaining shit-kicker.)
I started watching Top Chef in Season 2, so I don’t know from Tiffani, who seems like someone not to be trifled with. As for the fussy, stuffy, dandyish Stephen, he seems like some sort of fake villain in a madcap farce (as played by French Stewart). Is this guy for real?
Then, we have this fabulous mix of villains and heroes, with very little filler.
Here’s my take:

Carla (Season 5): Quite possibly the most loveable character in the history of Top Chef. I’m rooting for her. Team Hootie.

Spike (Season 4): So hot. So obnoxious (Hotnoxious?) I’ve decided to stop pretending I don’t have a thing for him.

Tre (Season 3): Thought one: He has big arms. Thought two: I seem to have a vague memory of him being a great chef who left before his time.

Tiffany (Season 7): Nice, but she's filler. (Sorry Tiffany.)

Richard Blais (Season 4): The gastro-biology king. Lookin’ kinda manorexic this season, huh?

Michael Isabella (Season 6): I hated him at first, then grew to (almost) like him. Still looks like bizarro Ben Affleck, but now more like Ben Affleck after a few too many trips to the Golden Corral.

Marcel (Season 2): A perma-twerp, destined to always be the last guy picked in the gym class of life.

Jennifer (Season 6): Intimidates more with her steely glare and association with Chef Ripert then her actual skills? (Just sayin’).

Jamie (Season 5): I don’t remember her being quite this cocky. It’s not cute.

Fabio (Season 5): Still adorable, hilarious, charming, Eurotastic, etc. Still can’t cook.

Elia (Season 2): Kinda filler (which is why she got the boot.)

Dale T (Season 4): He scares me.

Dale L (Season 3): Almost as loveable as Carla, but not quite. Anyone know if he’s still dating that hot guy from Project Runway?

Casey(Season 3): I liked the Jennifer Anistan lookalike during her season, then resented the hell out of her when she bullied Carla into sous vide-ing her steak. Still not sure if I forgive her.

Antonia (Season 4): Cue the crickets.

Angelo (Season 7): Why do I love this guy? I don’t know. But there it is.

The other great thing about this season: Anthony Bourdain as full-time judge? Hell to the yes!

So no time for a full recap today, because I’m experiencing the deadline from hell at work, but I’ll just say this:
Having the chefs recreate the dish that sent them packing was a stroke of evil genius. (Why do I feel like Padma is the one who comes up with these challenges?)
Also, raise your hand if you believe that Richard didn’t realize he’d gone over the allotted time? (Hands glued to sides across the blogosphere.) I didn’t feel sorry for Dr. Blais, gastrobiologist to the stars, AT ALL.

Best quotes of the night:
“It’s 25 minutes. It’s not like I can do an ice carving of George Washington.”-Angelo on the Quickfire Challenge.

“To be eliminated twice for the same dish, you’ve got to be stupid”- Fabio, coming perilously close to a self-fulfilling prophecy. (Luckily, he’s a “fan favorite.”)

“I hate the dish. I keep poking it. I keep tasting it to see if I really hate it as much as I think I do. And I really really really hate it.”- Anthony Bourdain on Fabio’s dish.

“He’s the craftiest motherf**ker whose ever been on the show.”-Anthony Bourdain on my (and his) boyfriend Spike.

“I was expecting to be schooled by Jen, but there were a couple of technical error that I was surprised by.”-Tiffani “She’s not That Innocent” Faison on Jennifer.

“Sir, I’m telling you something. I agree to be criticized in a constructive way. I don’t like to be made fun of and that’s what you did through the meal. If we weren’t in this situation, we would have a different problem. – Fabio to Anthony Bourdain. (For a second there, I truly thought Fabio and Anthony Bourdain were going to throw down. I would’ve paid to see that. To quoth Buffy: “Can there be some kind of oil involved?”)

“Don’t eliminate me. I have a lot more to do. I mean it.”-Elia, moments before being eliminated.

“Me?” –Angelo, upon hearing that he won the Challenge (and the 10 grand.)

"Something tells me this is going to be one helluva season."-Maxthegirl, right now.


KLB said...

Great wrap up. Your comment about Marcel is so spot-on, I'm cracking up. I missed season 5, but Jaime comes off as a total bitch.

I'm pulling for Dale L and Michael (no surprise) and while HOOTIE is always so dear, I just generally dislike most of the female chefs. I wish it wasn't so.

vpowers314 said...

I'm happy to see you're blogging Top Chef again! Good summary. Even after rewinding and watching it several times, I didn't get what Spike did with the scallops that was so sneaky...

Limecrete said...

As usual, I adore your recap, but I'm telling you now, if it comes down to Antonia v. Spike, you and I are going to throw down.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Steohen: You totally missed him in Season One. He was the very definition of a reality show villain. Week after week, I kept praying he'd be eliminated.

I get the feeling he'll be going next this time out.

As for Tiffani, she's kinda remarkable. Really tough, but made enemies really easily. I think folks pegged her for sabotaging the kitchen in her season. Not that I think she did.