Thursday, February 7, 2008
Let’s Get Physical: The Project Runway recap
Spandex House? There’s such a place as Spandex House? It just sounds like the punchline to a bad joke: “You’re mama’s so tacky, she shops at Spandex House. . .”
And yet, there our designers were, pulling out yards of hot pink and day-glo silver, forced to endure the indignities of the world’s stretchiest, shiniest fabric. I’m sorry, but hearing Tim Gunn say, “Thank you Spandex House” just really doesn't cut it. (And did you notice the random pigeon shot before our designers entered Spandex House? It was like the producers of Project Runway were flinging metaphorical bird shit on the whole enterprise.)
So why Spandex House? Because of the most unholy of unions: Project Runway (my favorite show) and the WWE (is there a phrase stronger than “show I wouldn’t watch over my dead body?”).
The designers’ task? Create a ring-ready outfit for one of the Divas of the WWE.
Curiously, many of the silicone and botox-enhanced beauties referred to themselves as “girl next door” types. One even helpfully noted, “I’m a classy sex pot. Not a whore sex pot.”
Now let’s play the world’s easiest edition of Name That Designer!
Q: Which designer found an immediate soulmate in his WWE Diva, fueled by their mutual love of leopard print?
Q: Which designer snootily said, “This is not what I normally do”?
Q: Which designer tremulously said, “If I design the wrong thing, she might body slam me”?
Q Which designer confidently proclaimed, “This is my favorite outfit. . .I’ve liked a lot of other ones, too.”
Q: Which designer managed to make a last minute save, taking her outfit from sheer horribleness to utter mediocrity?
A: Sweet Pea
Q: Which designer had no idea how badly he was doing?
Q: Which designer said of his Divalicious outfit, “I wish I could wear it”?
Q: Which designer named his WWE superhero, Ferochia Couture?
A: Do I really have to answer this?
Bonus question: Which judge said, “I feel like the pope at a sex club?”
A: Michael Kors
For each correct answer give yourself ZERO points. Because really, people, could these designers be any more true to type?
I was worried about my girl Sweet Pea this episode. She fell on her face, huh? When you start randomly draping feather boas on your design just to give it a little pick-me-up, that’s bad enough. When Tim Gunn starts randomly draping boas on your design, you know things are getting desperate. And did you catch what Sweet Pea’s Diva said about her first attempt? “It’s like something you can buy at the Stripper Store.” (No doubt right up the street from Spandex House. . . ). But Sweet Pea pulled it together, kind of. Certainly not one of her patented great saves. But better than Ricky’s bathing suit, which gave his Diva a serious case of camel toe.
A few more thoughts. . .
Heatherette are so over-exposed, they make Donald Trump seem like a hermit.
Sweet Pea calling Christian a “skinny armed twit” was funny. And him actually beating her? The Giants’ big upset now needs to take a back seat.
Was Jillian even IN this episode? (Oh yeah, she did the Dallas Cowboys cheerleader outfit that the judges went randomly bonkers over.)
I didn’t understand Rami’s fugly outfit AT ALL.
Shirtless Ricky AGAIN? That image is now seared into my retinas. To quote Juno, “That’s one doodle that can’t be undid.”
Christian SO thought he was going to win. . . .
Ha! But I was happy for Chris.
And finally, our long national nightmare is over. Ricky is auf’d.
Ironically, he didn’t cry on the way out.