Who’s Going to Eat the Sausage? The Project Runway reunion recap

Well, that was . . . awkward. I’m not sure if I was expecting a big Love Fest, but I sure as heck wasn’t expecting a prolonged support group for the bitter, depressed, and sexually confused.
Is it just me or was there a lot of anger in that room last night?
First, there’s Carmen—at least, I think her name is Carmen (come to think of it, that may be the source of her bitterness). Look, honey, you sent a half nude model down the runway. Maybe, just maybe, your revolutionary scarf-as-shirt idea is going to catch on. More likely, you’re going to get some flack for it. Just deal. Instead, Carmen cried, Carmen whined, Carmen turned to Heidi and said (bitterly), “Thanks a LOT, Heidi” when Heidi introduced the menswear montage.
Next, we have Victorya, who has clearly never let a smile be her umbrella. Also, if looks could kill, Seal would be singing “Candle in the Wind” at Heidi Klum’s funeral right about now. But wasn’t it great when Heidi “innocently” turned to Tim Gunn and said, “Victorya’s always a bit uptight, no?”—as though Victorya wasn’t 10 feet away from her? Meow!
Finally, we have Ricky. Again, I say, when you bawl like you’re the lovechild of Scarlett O’Hara and Jim Bakker, there’s going to be montage. Laugh it off. Create a Ricky-Cries-a-Lot doll. Pull a big endless clown hankie from your pocket. (That would’ve slayed em.) But noooo. . . when they set off the Ricky Cries montage, Ricky looked angry. He pouted. He glowered. What Ricky doesn’t realize is, far more alarming than his frightful array of tears was his frightful array of hats. During the course of that montage I counted no less than six hats, all cocked at a jaunty 45 degree angle:
•We had the black mesh, the one that resembled a hairnet.
•We had the argyle black and white cap that seemed to cut off the circulation to his brain.
•We had the patent-leather, “I’m going to an S&M themed costume party” hat
•We had the inevitable trucker hat.
•We had the fabulous red patent leather police hat (what to get for the cop who has everything)
and
•We had the white mesh hat, that looks like something the state issues you upon arrival to a mental facility.
Also, score one for the evil camera guy who said, “I’m not trying to push your buttons” while actively pushing Ricky’s buttons. (Of course, getting Ricky to cry is about as easy as getting Britney to show off her vajayjay).
Ironically enough, there were two people who weren’t bitter last night.
The first was Rami. I say this is ironic because Rami seemed to have a chip on his shoulder for the entire competition. Everything about the show made him vaguely aggravated. But last night, he was going for some kind of Project Runway Merit Badge.
He held Chris’s hand!
He comforted Ricky after the Crying Montage, telling him that real men, in fact, DO cry!
He tickled Chris, so that Chris could laugh us into the break!
He gets my MVP.
The other non-bitter person who had every right to be bitter? Michael Kors. The man does have a professional reputation to maintain here, people. First, we see a picture of him and discover that as a lad he looked like none other than Ralph Malph!.
Then, they showed his decidedly—how shall I put this?—unmanly giggle attack he had during the WWE challenge. Not only was he laughing like a giddy school girl, he kind of had to cup his hand under his mouth to catch something (drool?) mid-laugh. Not his finest moment.
Oh, and Nina, thanks for sharing your pain over Meana Garzilla with us. I’m sure that’s not going to catch on.
Loved that they included a “Is Kevin Gay?” montage, featuring the very convincing moment where he tells his girlfriend: “I have lots of new girlfriends, er, of the same gender!”
Who else was shocked that Christian won the Fan Favorite challenge—by a landslide, no less? I kinda figured it would come down to Chris or Sweet Pea (my fave.) (Speaking of Chris, iTunes needs to make his laugh available as a ringtone NOW.) But the little guy pulled it off. How he manages to be irritating and endearing is one of life's great mysteries.
Always happy to see Michael Knight, although until Steve Jobs invents iSmell, I’m not sure if I trust his taste in men’s cologne.
Next week, we get our final three. Smart money is on Rami over Chris, right? Although, ask yourself this: When Heidi dangles the sausage in front of both of them: Who will eat the sausage? Who will eat it up?