Thursday, May 8, 2008

Face Master!: The ANTM recap

America’s Next Top Model fans are a gullible lot.

I say this because much of the talk surrounding American Idol this season has been about conspiracy theories: pimp spots, the chosen ones, and the somewhat awkward fact that Paula critiqued one of Jason Castro’s performances BEFORE IT OCCURRED. On that show, the audiences are painfully aware of the powers that be and their various machinations to ensure a desired final two.

But on America’s Next Top Model, why does it never occur to us that Tyra actually wields more power than Simon and co. combined? At least on American Idol, we see the performances. We can decide for ourselves if we think a performance was “atrocious” or “all the colors of the rainbow” or if somebody did, indeed, “totally work it out, dawg.”

On the other hand, on ANTM, we never see the contact sheet! (The smoking contact sheet? The grassy lens?) Tyra picks the supposed “best shot” and we all take it on good faith that she chose well.
But maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t pick the best shot. Maybe she simply picks the best shot to suit her nefarious needs!
Dun-dun-dunnn. . .
(Sorry. This is a lot more thinking than any fan of ANTM should ever be required to do.)

Anyway, this is in no way meant to suggest that I’m disappointed that Dominique got the boot. Heck, I wanted her gone on week one. But isn’t it possible—indeed, likely—that Tyra chose a particularly "bad Marlene Dietrich drag act" photograph of our estrogen-challenged contestant because it was her time to go?

That being said, Whitney should start packing her bags for next week. I’m glad that the “plus-sized” bombshell made it this far—I simply find her the most amusing and likeable of the bunch. But clearly, Tyra is gunning for an Anya/Fatima finale. At that point, I’m not sure who’s going to win. Anya has been a front-runner from virtually the start. But I think the whole panel has a jones for Fatima’s face.

A few more thoughts on tonite’s episode:

Amazing to see Paulina school these girls on how a real model works, even if Dom did give her a bad case of cactus head.

Nigel was looking particularly yummy in his cute little photographer get-up, wasn’t he?

Tyra finally admitted that she can sometimes look like Tyrone. Har.

Quote of the night:
“They call it Cover Girl because it covers the man in you.”
Ahh, Miss J.

Quote of the night 2:
Tyra, to Dom upon her elimination: “You’ve got to master this face!”
Hell, I think the girl already has mastered her face. She’s like Siegfried and her face is a tiger. She’s like Emeril and her face is a souffle. She should put out face work-out tapes: Face of Steel. FaceMaster Plus.
I mean, how much more mastering can the girl do? She actually made it to the final four with that face! I bow down to Dom's face mastering skills.

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