Always a Bridesmaid: The Project Runway Recap

Tim Gunn got choked up over this bunch? For real? The most seriously uninspiring group in the history of Project Runway and Tim Gunn is verklempt? Oh Tim . . . you really do love all of your children equally, don’t you?

I mean, take the home town trips—please.

Usually, this is our chance to see that, say, Christian is living in a postage stamp, or Jillian’s mother is Cruella de Vil, or that Rami already has a fully equipped studio befitting a professional designer of his unsurpassed taste and caliber.

These guys? Suffice it to say, when the highlight is a bicycle built for two, you know it’s a weak episode.

We start with Korto, who clearly means business because she has hidden her signature ’fro under a black head scarf. I miss her hair. Her designs are very Korto and they have a certain Georgia O’Keefe, womanly, feminine—okay, I’m just going to say it—vaginal quality about them, that—unless my ears deceived me—Tim Gunn referred to as “a snatch shot.” (Can you even say that on commercial TV?)

Next, Korto takes Tim home, where she plays the drums in an attempt to show him the little known intersection between Arkansas and Africa (hey, they didn’t call Bill Clinton America’s first black president for nothin’). I’m not convinced. However, her daughter and husband are totes cute.

Speaking of cute, Leanne is up next, in Portland, Oregon—and we meet her boyfriend, a geeky, shoe-gazing He-Leanne, who immediately and dutifully vanishes. Tim is impressed with Leanne’s collection, which has an architectural quality and is inspired by waves. The work is impeccable, but I never really “feel” Leanne’s designs, ya know?

Next, Leanne “spontaneously” suggests a bike ride and Tim makes some quip about his insurance policy and the whole exchange has this rehearsed, that-was-the-40th-take feel to it. Off they go to the Portland rose gardens in the aforementioned bicycle built for two, with Tim clutching his helmet and squealing, “Whoah!” It’s all too precious for words.

From there, the Tim-mobile heads to L.A., where we get a glimpse at Jerell’s collection. We also meet Dave, who Jerell amusingly refers to as his “love interest”(this is clearly a sign that Jerell has been living in L.A. too long). Jerell’s collection is a bit of a mess. Tim Gunn calls it “a lot of look”—one of my favorite Tim-isms, but rarely a good sign. Then, onto the stunning revelation that Korto is Jerell’s mother! Well, no not really, but they are sporting the exact same black head scarf.

Finally, it’s back to Brooklyn to meet up with Kenley. I want her apartment.
Mostly, Tim loves her collection, but he questions a dress with a rope detail around the neck that was meant to be an homage to Kenley’s tug boat driving dad. “Doesn’t it make you think of hanging yourself?” Tim asks nervously. No, Kenley had not thought about that. (Somewhat surprising, after the events of last episode. . . I kid, I kid . . .)

Then Tim and Kenley say good bye and. . . that’s it? We don’t get to meet Tug Boat Harry, or whatever her dad’s name is? We don’t get to meet Kenley’s bratty kid sisters, cause you know she has them? We don’t get a chance to play amateur psychologist and try to figure out how Kenley got to be so. . . Kenley-like? I feel cheated.

Back in NYC, Kenley is the last to arrive to the hotel and she kind of gets an awkward silent treatment until she finally, breezily says, “I’m sorry for being such a bitch!” and all seems to be more or less forgiven. (If only we could solve the world financial crisis with such apparent ease).

At Parson’s Tim tells the designers to “gather round.” Rut ro. Indeed, after slaving away over their collections for three months, they now have one whole day to make a bridesmaid dress that will determine their fate in the competition. Sounds fair to me!

Jerell brilliantly surmises that, since bridesmaid dresses are ugly, his dress should be ugly! (This is foreshadowing, folks.)

Korto and Leanne both make short bridesmaid dresses, but Kenley thinks they’re copying her, because, like, no one ever thought to make a short dress before in the history of design.

Down the runway they come—bride and maid. Here’s how I rank them.

Leanne’s wedding dress is fabu, but her bridesmaid dress has one of those pastel-y Leanne colors that I don’t like.

Kenley’s wedding dress is a bit too Alexander McQueen (or so say the judges, and Kenley looks kinda busted) but her bridesmaid dress OWN’s Leanne’s.

Korto’s wedding dress is overworked. Her bridesmaid dress is a cute cocktail frock, but doesn’t read bridal. (Not necessarily a bad thing.)

Jerell’s wedding dress looks kinda messy and funky, like everything else he’s designed. His bridesmaid dress is, as promised, ugly.

So Jerell is . . . out. Which kinda sucks because not only is he the sweetest contestant standing, didn’t he win the challenge last week? Dag, I knew this was going to happen.
I suppose it’s for the best, because Korto would’ve needed a defibrillator if she had been auf’d—that girl puts way too much pressure on herself.

Jerell took his dismissal with his trademark insouciance and humor: “If you want a basic white tee, get it from Michael Kors,” he shrugged. (Hee!)

Farewell to you, dear Jerell. Here’s hoping that you and your “love interest” have a true Hollywood ending.