The Egg and I: The Project Runway recap

Um, why is Mitchell still here? Anyone? Anyone? Yes, I realize that his combination of boy-next-door looks and neurotic fretfulness has a certain je ne sais quoi, but he is an EPIC FAIL as a designer.

Let’s see, week one: Half naked model.

Week two: The jankiest pair of pregnancy shorts that ever janked their way down the runway. (Seriously, they could show these shorts in health ed and prevent more teen pregnancies than every PSA combined: Don’t let this happen to your upper thighs.)

Not that Malvin is off the hook for his hellish fertility dress. Yes, Malvin, every pregnant woman wants to have chicken legs, feathers, and some sort of egg-bearing pouch. But at least the boy can sew—and now, with Ari’s ouster last week, Project Runway has gotten rid of both conceptual designers—and their conceptual hair.

Didn’t you love the fact that the show is hosted by a veritable goddess of model fertility, but the designers are making a pregnancy dress for . . . Rebecca Romijn? (Who else always wants to call her Rebecca Romijn-Stamos? Yeah, me too. Still, not nearly as bad as when So You Think You Can Dance’s Nigel Lithgow bemoaned the passing of “Farrah Fawcett-Majors.” Way to be four decades out of the loop there, Nigel.)

The awesome thing about Rebecca Romijn is that she actually looked pregnant. I mean, most models (Heidi included) truly do look like they’ve got a beach ball stowed under their dress when they’re pregnant—everything stays annoyingly, perfectly fat-free except for that one glorious bump. (Indeed, when the models were prancing around the studio in their pregnancy pads asking each other, “Do I really look pregnant?” I was thinking, “Yes. Yes you do.”) But Rebecca looked, well, a little fleshy. Borderline zaftig. Yay! Stars, they’re just like us!

Can we discuss eventual challenge winner Shirin? Could she be any cuter? So pretty, so spunky, she doesn’t even seem real. She's like an actress hired to play an up and coming designer in a Disney movie. And she can actually design, too? Bitch. (Did you catch what Nina Garcia said about her outfit: “You delivered a very versatile outfit.” Get it? Delivered? Ahhh, that Nina. She slays me.)

New rule (with apologies to Bill Maher): Michael Kors can not take any more shows off. We need his good eye and better barbs, especially this early in the season, when the cast is still kind of a faceless blur.

There’s potential, I suppose. Althea’s earth child lovefest routine is pretty endearing, especially if she keeps producing such beautiful dresses. Ra’Mon’s outsized ego could prove to be explosive. Logan’s all around hotness has to cause some sparks, right? But last week’s stars—Johnny “I’m a recovering addict” Sakalis and Christopher “Book learnin’ is hard” Straub—receded into the background. Who is this season’s Santino? Its Christian? Its Jay?
To quote Tim Gunn, “I’m not bored”—yet. But these contestants need to step it up their games or I’m switching my allegiences to Isaac Mizrahi and The Fashion Show. (Ha, just kidding. Did anyone else watch that piece of crap?)

Hilarious Lifetime programming I won’t be watching this week ™: Stranger With My Face.