What would Jesus Design?: The Project Runway recap

Oh God. I hate Very Special Episodes of Project Runway. How am I supposed to snark on women who have survived heart ailments? Not cool, Lifetime. Not cool.


So the show starts with Mila sitting next to herself at the vanity mirror. Oh wait, that's Maya. Seriously, one of these broads has got to go.

Tim tells the contestants about the Campbell Soup heart challenge: They have to design a red evening gown for women personally affected by heart disease. The gown also has to incorporate the Campbell Soup branding. (It would be super awesome if the gown had to incorporate some actual Campbell's soup, but, alas, it was not meant to be. . .)


So let's just get this out of the way upfront: Everyone is amazing and everyone is inspiring and everybody cries. . . (Sorry. I don't do sentimentality well.)


But while being amazed and inspired and brought to tears by their clients,  the designers are also freaked out because they are working with the dreaded "Real Women." Oh fashion industry, you are so silly!


Also, both Seth Aaron and Anthony think that their regular models are size 4 to 6. Seriously, they both said that. (If Seth Aaron and Anthony are designing the model body as a Size 6, then I would wear size "Beached Whale" in their clothing.)


And because everyone loves a good sight gag, Tim Gunn apparently left a bucket of water in the studio for Janeane to accidentally dunk her dress into.


"This would happen to me," she says, which would be very low on the list of things I'd say after dunking my dress in a bucket of water after: "Why the hell  is there a bucket of water in the studio?" and "Who the hell put a bucket of water in the studio?" But maybe I'm just more naturally curious than she is.


At one point, cute little Jonathan looks disparagingly at his garment and says (and I quote): "This is more cooter than couture." Uh, Lifetime censor department? You've got some splainin' to do.
(Next week, Seth Aaron will remark that his gown looks like "deez nuts.")


The designers finish their looks and off to the runway they go.


Ben is dressed like a Chippendale dancer and Seth Aaron is dressed like Pee Wee Herman. Oh, dress up time! Fun! Too bad no one else got the memo.


The dresses come down the runway.


Again, a whole lot of meh this week.


Of the top 3:
Didn't love Mila's star dress. She loves a bold graphic, doesn't she?
Thought Maya's little Campbell Soup purse was cute (albeit the kind of thing you can buy in the gift shop after the Warhol exhibit.) But her gown confused me.
Kinda liked Amy's winning dress. And she's my favorite designer, so I was happy to see her win.


The Bottom 3 were Jesse, Anna, and Jesus.
But there was little suspense because Michael Kors said that Jesus's dress was "a check list of everything tacky at once." I'm pretty sure that means he didn't like it.


So Jesus is gone. He, for one, was shocked. And I mean that literally. He was the only person who was shocked. But he took it like a man. (Well, a twee little man-boy, if you prefer.) And you'll all be relieved to know that Jesus never wept.