To Infinity and Beyond: The Project Runway recap

For Jason, it was the best of shows, it was the worst of shows.

It was the worst of shows because, well, he got booted off. Also, because everyone pretty much figured out that he’s nuts. (More on that later.)

But it was the best of shows because Valerie said this: “Jason’s mysterious. He has the bowler hat all Clockwork Orange.”

Note that she didn’t say: “Jason thinks he’s all mysterious, when in fact he looks like a giant Clockwork-Orange-wannabe tool.”

Rejoice Jason, someone’s buying your act!

Anyhoo, the extra half an hour (altogether now: boo! hiss!) gives us lots of time to hang out with the designers back at the house. Here’s what we learned:

That the designers agree with the interwebs and think that McKell was robbed.

That everyone considers Peach a mother figure. (Shocker.)

That Mondo is very very sad.

That Andy has his own airbrush makeup machine. Impressive!

The challenge this week is cool: Design a look that captures the essence of the Marie Claire girl. Better still: The winning look will be featured in a 40-foot-tall billboard in Times Square!

“Getting your garment on a billboard is huge,” says Andy. “Because that’s a huge prize for the first challenge.”

Greetings from the department of redundancy department.

A.J. decides to do something very Courtney Love and Gwen Stefani, to which I write: “Has he ever seen Marie Claire magazine?” Then I see his look and realize that the boy knows exactly what he’s doing. Then I see how poorly his garment fits—hello, saggy midsection!— and I realize he knows mostly what he’s doing.

At Mood, Casanova bemoans the fact that $150 is not enough to make a sophisticated gown. This on the heels of learning about his $1,007 D&G pants. Who is this guy? Donaldo Trump?

Back at the studio, Casanova innocently asks AJ for some help. This despite the regrettable Merrill Stubing hat AJ was sporting at Mood.

“No offense, but I’m not going to help you pattern,” says AJ snippily.

Casanova laughs awkwardly—either because awkward laughter is the only response to such assitude or because he has no idea what AJ is saying.

“Most of the designers, they share, they learn, they make opeenion,” says Casanova.

To illustrate this point, the producers cut to Casanova huddling with Michael over a design table. Clearly, they are sharing, learning, and making opeenions together.

“I’m not going to sew it for you,” AJ mutters. Oooh, don’t let the floppy hair and cute gay art student vibe fool you. Captain AJ is a jerk.

Meanwhile, Gretchen, who won last week’s challenge, is more than happy to help clueless Casanova. (The Clueless Casanovas can play on a double bill with Deconstructed Borscht, for those who follow my Top Chef recaps.)

Gretchen calls Casanova her bosom buddy.

“But I don’t have bosoms,” says Casanova. Everything Casanova says is that much funnier if you imagine a laugh track behind it.

Bowler boy has come up with a bold new concept: The infinity dress. It’s made of two 8s: Because, you see, it’s Project Runway season 8 and also because 8 sideways is infinity!

Ingenious! I mean, uh, moronic!

And because Jason has no construction skills whatsoever, the dress is held together by safety pins—again. This, claims Jason, is an intentional design choice.

Not surprisingly, Tim Gunn is not impressed.

“Everything is stacked against me,” Jason moans to the camera. “I’m a straight man in a gay man’s world.”

What Jason being a straight man in a gay man’s world has to do with his dress sucking up the joint is beyond me.

Then we come to a portion of the show I like to call: “Well, that didn’t take long.”

First, Nicholas accuses Casanova of faking his language difficulties to gain an edge. “He’s playing the I don’t speak English card,” Nicholas says. Well, that didn’t take long.

Later, Gretchen accuses Nicholas of stealing her backless dress concept. “He just thinks it’s an original idea.” Well, that didn’t take long.

Tim Gunn tells the designers to “gather round”—there’s a new element to the challenge. No need to panic. They just have to art direct a photo shoot featuring their dress! Fun!

At the photo shoot, Michael is being very, very nice to Jason. It’s always a good strategy to be friends with the guy who might go postal, he explains. Words to live by.

Meanwhile, Jason has taken off his ridiculous hat and has nice hair! And is actually kind of handsome! But he still has no clue what he’s doing at the shoot. The dress is totally gapping in the middle and he keeps telling his model to pose like she’s angry, even though the Marie Claire girl is supposed to be happy and carefree and gay.

“I’ve been misunderstood since I was a child,” says Jason.

I’m thinking you’ve been understood a lot more than ya think, buddy.

At home, Peach knows she’s in trouble and keeps referring to her stay on Project Runway in the past tense. And everyone’s all like, “Don’t leave us mom! Who will do our laundry and make our beds and give us warm cozy mom hugs?” (God, it sucks to be 50 and on Project Runway.)

Mondo mopes around and cries himself to sleep.

“If I don’t click with people right away, I tend to run away,” he explains.

I think Mondo’s biggest problem is the disconnect between his sassy name and sassier wardrobe and the mopey emo man lurking within. If you’re going to be emo, get some black bangs and play the part. If you’re going to be The Fabulous Mondo, own it, dude!

Judgment day.

As mentioned, I would’ve loved AJ’s yellow and black dress were it not for the kangaroo pouch.

Loved, loved, loved Valerie’s chic and sort of utilitarian red cocktail dress, pictured. Also sort of love Valerie, who seems like she’d be buddies with Rizzo and the Pink Ladies from Grease.

For the second week in a row, I wasn’t as wowed by Gretchen’s piece as the judges. I thought it was too simple.

Mondo extended his “I’m not fabulous I just dress like I am” persona to a truly fabulous dress. (Maybe a little too much wickety wack in the top. But still. . . )

I can already tell that Christopher is going to do the kind of safe, impeccably tailored stuff that I find dull as dishwater.

Casanova is not happy with his jacket.

“I really don’t like navy. I don’t know why I try that deesturbing color.”

(Laugh track!)

How Kristin managed to avoid the wrath of the judges with her peach pom-pom scarf and poorly constructed mall skirt is anyone’s guess. . .

So anyway, the top 3 are Mondo, Gretchen, and Valerie. This is good for Mondo. He needed a little pick-me-up.

One more crazy thing about Mondo: He is inspired by Mary Tyler Moore. This guy is just full of surprises.

(Either that, or he’s a diabolical genius, because Joanna Coles from Marie Claire said she moved to America because of the Mary Tyler Moore show. Might he have read that someplace? Hmmmm. )

And. . .Gretchen wins! I preferred the other two dresses, but it was cute when she teared up when she saw her billboard.

Bottom:

Peach, whose dress resembled an “Amish cocktail dress” according to Michael Kors.

Jason, do I even have to explain why?

and

Nicholas, whose backless dress was pretty ragged and whose cape was total overkill.

“I wonder how many people we will get rid of today,” muses Heidi.

I ignore her, because she’s always saying provocative stuff like that with no pay off.

But this time it was NO joke.

Jason is out . . .and Nicholas is out.

Poor Nicholas, he really thought he dodged a bullet when Bowler Boy was sent packing.

Nicholas cried. A lot. And hugged. And wouldn’t let go of Peach and pretty much slobbered on anyone who came near him.

As for Jason, he was over it. He didn’t even wait for Tim Gunn to tell him to clean up his work station. He just left.

’Cause that’s just the kind of mysterious, bowler hat sporting, Clockwork Orange-like rebel that Jason is.