Thursday, March 13, 2008

Beef Panties, It’s What’s For Dinner: The ANTM recap

Okay, before I recap this episode, let’s get up to speed.

I don’t have much to say about our little rejected models except the blondie girl with the smushed face who didn’t realize that wearing expensive clothing is kind of the
whole point of modeling was spectacularly dumb, even by this show’s low standards. Too bad, because she was kinda cute, in that French bulldog way.

With apologies to Twiggy, Paulina Porizkova is a major upgrade. I love her insight, her gumption, and the basic human decency that comes through in all her judging comments. And unlike Twiggy, who deferred meekly to the other judges (“Oh, Tyra, you’re so clever), Paulina’s going to give that judging fiefdom a run for its money.

A few things I already
hate: That electric news ticker that they installed for Tyra Mail has got to go. Having some half-literate girl robotically read Tyra Mail has always been one of the necessary evils of the show. But to have all the girls shouting out the words as the mail creeps painstakingly along the ticker, well it’s positively brutal.

The makeovers are particularly atrocious this year, huh?
They made lovely Claire (our CGoTW three times running now—do I see a Heather-like dynasty in the making?) look like Powder. And they made “plus-sized” (gimme a break) Whitney, whose black hair against that alabaster skin was downright Snow White-like, look like some generic Pam Anderson wannabe. As for lovely Anya? All I can say is: Why, Tyra, why?

But let me give props where props are due. As always, Tyra picks one girl—in this case Marvita—who I didn’t “get” on any level (see: twins, cycle 7; Furonda, cycle 6) and proved me dead wrong. Marvita may have unconventional looks, but she’s arresting—and she rocks a photo shoot.

As for Dominique, I’m not totally convinced. Sure, at some angles she looks attractive. But in some lights, she looks homely and positively mannish. On top of that, she wins our Jade Memorial Award for outsized confidence and remarkable self-delusion. Somehow, her being in the Bottom Two last week was actually Tyra throwing her “on a pedestal.” (Now there’s a stretch.) “It was the best Bottom Two the show has ever had,” she declared. She, along with “grrrrr, I’m a tiger!” (what was that all about?) Fatima, seem to be the rabble rousers in the house. So they can stay.

Few of the models have made a real impression on me yet: I thought Amis was a hoot, kind of a (non-alcoholic) version my fave girl Lisa from Cycle 5. (She called Jaslene a “big old, doe-eyed, yummy little Latina sandwich”—now that’s some poetry!). And I loved how diplomatic and gracious she was upon leaving. Sorry to see her go.

I happen to think Katarzyna is gorgeous—even if Tyra continues to make confusing pelvic thrusts to let her know that she’s too damn sexy for her own good.

I also love Claire, despite the Powder do.

pictured, had the best picture last night—by far. She’s one to watch, clearly rising above Tyra's hair don’t.

I’m sure loyalties will shift as the competition grows, but right now I’m rooting for Marvita. She’s an underdog you can really get behind.

I already find “punk rock” Lauren a little tiresome. Again, with the gorgeous but awkward teen who knee-knocks her way across the runway like a baby giraffe? Although I do appreciate that she’s a true New York girl. “If I didn’t want to be here, I could hop on the L train and go home,” she declared. Her logic is unassailable.

Why on earth was Tyra singing at judging? Anyone? Anyone? Paulina looked rightfully scared.

The meat shoot? Nasty. PETA will come a callin’. And Tyra has clearly given up one-cycle commitment to the environment and all things green. Let them wear meat, bitches.

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