Premature Evacuation: The Project Runway recap

I’m trying to figure out the exact moment that Maya knew she was going to leave the show.

Was it back in the girl’s dorm, when she and Mila began their morning ritual of subconsciously mirroring each other’s behavior?

Was it when she got the assignment to design (yet another) gown for Heidi?

Or was it a spontaneous decision? Did she just walk away from her little work station—it was totally abandoned, you guys!—and calmly tell Tim the news?

The reason I ask is this: She didn’t seem rattled or flustered or even slightly unsure of her decision. She told the group she was leaving with the same equanimity one might say, “I think I’ll have the omelet this morning.” Or “I’ve decided to take up jogging.”

Her calmness aside, the questions still remain: Did she do the right thing? And did anyone see this coming? (Yes, say the people who saw the spoiler-iffic promos during the week. Thanks, Lifetime.)

Never once did Maya complain about feeling overwhelmed or unprepared. It was more like, “Why the hell aren’t I winning?” There was nothing about her work, her attitude, her performance that said: I’m in over my head.

And yet.

Hopefully, we’ll see Maya again at the “Watch What Happens” wrap-up show. But I suspect we’ll never know the real reason for her departure. I’m just not buying this, “My vision wasn’t ready yet” line. Girl came out of the womb ready for Bryant Park.

Anyway, the designers all seemed genuinely shocked and sad over her departure. And I particularly felt bad for Mila, who will no doubt miss her little Mini Me most of all. She should take comfort in the fact that model Brandise could play the body double for either lead character in Sewn Asunder: The Mila and Maya Story.

So, with Maya gone, that leaves a slot open for the return of one auf’d designer.

(I love how in the Lifetime promo they showed Anthony, Jesse, and. . .Ping as the 3 possible returnees. Oh, Ping. I wish. So hard.)

Yup, Anthony was back—all sunny and “thank bejesus” and “kiss my grits” as  usual.

I would’ve preferred the return of a female contestant. . . but then again. . . . oh, it’s just too easy.

So back to the challenge. Design a red carpet dress for the key grip of Project Runway. I mean, uh, very, very, very famous celebrity Heidi Klum.

Everyone starts doing their thing:

Jay makes his homage to Sir Mix A Lot.

Seth Aaron does his Elvira: Queen of the Night getup.

Mila does some sort of nice cocktail dress for a Sunday pool party in Boca.

Jonathan starts breaking out all his mad designin’ skillz.

Anthony does a gown to be featured in his Pepe le Pew collection.

And Emilio, well, just stand back and let the man work.

Heidi comes in and rains on almost everyone’s parade. She tells Jonathan she likes everything about his dress—except for the dress part. She tells Jay that she doesn’t want any junk in the trunk, so he needs to start backing that dumptruck up. (She also allows him to cop a glimpse at her boobies, thus creating the single most wasted supermodel booby glimpse in the history of television.) She tells Mila that everyone else’s dress is better than hers. (Ouch.)

Jonathan is most flummoxed by Heidi’s appearance, so he starts his dress all over again. And then his second dress sucks perhaps harder than the first. So he starts again. Is the third time the charm?

Runway day. And Heidi makes a little jokey-poo : “In fashion, one day you’re in and the next day you’re out. And, then”—looking at Anthony— “maybe the next day you’re in again.” Har.

An actual B-list celebrity, Jessica Alba, is the fourth judge. Why didn’t they trot her out earlier in the show? It would’ve saved Heidi the awkward experience of disappointing a million Project Runway fans when she was the “big celebrity” who walked into the room.

I wasn’t totally feeling the love for Anthony’s black and white gown, were you? I sort of felt like it’s what I might’ve designed my first day at dressmaking school. But Jessica Alba lurrrrved it, so what do I know?

As for Emilio. What can I say? I thought his gown was perfection.

So. . .both Anthony and Emilio win! (Heidi is going to wear Emilio’s dress and Jessica Alba will wear Anthony’s.)

Emilio is en fuego, people! That’s 3 wins in a row, for those in a Project Runway fantasy league.

The bottom two are Mila and Jonathan. And Jonathan is . . .out.

He’s totally gracious about it and doesn’t say, “It totally sucks that Anthony gets to come back and win and I’m out on my patootie. Where’s my second chance? Huh? Huh?”

Luckily, he has a date tomorrow with Amy for brunch, mani-pedis, and a “Real Housewives” marathon. That always lifts a guy’s spirits.