Step Right In It! The Project Runway recap

Something truly terrifying came down the runway last night, something so disturbing, so horrifying, so unprecedented in its sheer awfulness, that both Michael Kors and Heidi Klum had to leap from their seats and touch it just to make sure that it was real.

I am referring, of course, to polyester. And since it was Anthony who used the dreaded fabric, it wasn’t looking good for him.

And to think, the show started off on such a high note—with a trip to the circus!

Yes, Ringling Bros. did a special performance just for the contestants. If you ask me, it’s always uncomfortable when there are more people on stage than there are in the audience—you have to make a big show of applauding and laughing and no one knows where to look (except, of course, for Jay, who focused on the hot, shirtless men). (A side note: Were there always hot shirtless men in the circus? When did this start and why didn’t I get the memo?)

The challenge: Design a look inspired by the circus without making it too costumey. (And let me just say this now: On the “don’t make it too costumey” front, the designers didn’t exactly excel.)

Off to Mood, where Swatch, the Mood dog, wondered why all these polka dots and stripes were whizzing by.

“Taste level, people!” he barked.

Back at the studio, Emilio is having a running commentary on his own awesomeness. Which, I assume is just him saying out loud what he is always thinking inside.

Tim came in to check on everyone’s work.

“How is everyone?” he asked.

And for the second time this season, the designers gave no response.

Staggered by this rudeness, Tim regroups and tries to help everyone save face: “Well, I’m just going to walk around and talk to you individually” he says, always one to smooth over an awkward social situation.

In what would later lead to one of the cutest moments of the season, Tim told Anthony to trust his own “viscera” and not foray into “contrivances.”

“I thought I needed a pattern book, but what I needed was a dictionary!” quipped Anthony. (FYI: That was not the cute moment I was referring to.)

Tim felt Emilio’s dress needed color. AwesomeEmilio disagreed.

“I got this, Tim,” said AwesomeEmilio. (Later, he would add more color to the dress.)

So turns out, Mila and Jay really do hate each other, even though it’s hard to imagine Jay mustering up the energy to dislike someone, let alone hate them. 

Mila goes on about how Jay doesn’t have the textile knowledge to show at Bryant Park and Jay says that he thinks Mila is incapable of putting on a dramatic show.

“I only say this because I dislike her as a person,” he says, as if this somehow justifies everything.

On the runway, Michael Kors is more obsessed with penises than usual.

“It looks like a big blue condom,” he says of Anthony’s polyester mistake.

“A gentleman might fill out that crotch,” he says of Seth Aaron’s crazy crotch pants.

The looks are, well, costumey.

Seth Aaron and Mila did sort of dueling tranny referee outfits, with black and white stripes and shocks of color.

Jay did Sergeant Pepper on the top, office happy hour on the bottom.

I have no idea what circus Anthony went to, as his dress looked like the polyester version of everything else he makes.

And Emilio, well, he did it again. Emilio is quite possibly having the single best run of any contestant in the history of Project Runway. I mean, has anybody ever won 4 in a row before? I just wish I could warm up to the guy a little more.

Then what is always my favorite part: The contestants have to say why they belong in the competition and pick who they think should join them in Bryant Park.

Seth says something about his vision and expert tailoring and picks Emilio and Jay.

Jay says something along the lines of, “I deserve to go to Bryant Park because I got this far,” which is dumb, as they all have gotten this far. He picks Seth Aaron and Anthony. (Also, by not picking Emilio, he has lost all credibility.)

Mila tells the judges she thinks it is her time and she picks Emilio and Seth Aaron.

AwesomeEmilio gives a from-the-heart soliloquy on how awesome he is and picks Seth Aaron and Mila.

And here’s where Anthony does the cutest thing. He says that he just “needs to get to my space and trust my own viscera.”

You see what he did there? He used Tim Gunn’s vocabulary word. I laughed out loud at that. Indeed, it was the first time I had ever LOL’d over something Anthony said. Shortly thereafter, he was eliminated. (Oh, for the record, he picked Emilio and Jay.)

So Emilio is going to Bryant Park. Duh.

Seth Aaron is going to Bryant Park. I can hardly wait to see his Babes in Toyland meets Forever 21 collection.

Anthony, as mentioned, is out.

So it comes down to Mila and Jay.

I cheered when Mila is “in.”

But I booed when Jay is also “in.”

Sorry, but I really don’t think the guy deserved it. His designs are so half-hearted, so “meh.”

So anyway, the two of them are going to do a mother effin design-off, a la Rami and Chris, with only one collection showing at Bryant Park.

Here’s my conspiracy theory on why Jay is also in: For those of you who watch Models of the Runway, also seen on these fine Lifetime networks, there’s a little competition raging between Mila’s model (Brandise) and Jay’s model (Brittany). I swear that they kept both Jay and Mila to keep that little drama going. Because it turns out a show about a bunch of models is totally boring without Miss Jay and Tyra.

Next week, we meet the people who hang out with Mila, Jay, Seth Aaron, and Emilio—by choice!