Thursday, August 14, 2008
Taste’s Great! The Project Runway recap
Q: If Daniel says he has high end taste often enough, does that make it true?
Q: Is it appropriate to cackle at Daniel when he makes that statement in front of the judges, especially if you are supposed to be his “best friend”?
A: Damn, girl. That’s cold.
And so, I believe, ends the short-lived, but beautiful in its own way, friendship between Janeane Garofalo and Elijah Wood—a.k.a. Kenley and Daniel—the cackler and the pouter, the ironic pin-up girl and the Wes Anderson-style miniaturist. Daniel may not, indeed, have high end taste (it’s been all downhill since his Dixie cup triumph) but can Kenley have a wee man’s back?
The show starts with Daniel working out (all together now: Daniel works out?) with his cute little pint-sized hand weights as the competitive Mormon lifts a ginormous barbell by his side. (Are steroids prohibited in Mormon culture?).
Then, back on the runway, Heidi tells the designers that they will be working with a powerful and glamorous woman. The ideas fly fast and furious: Hillary Clinton, Nancy Grace, Heidi Klum and. .. (sound of record needle screeching) Sharon Osbourne. I’ll give you one guess to figure out which designer was hoping for the Princess of Darkness.
But no, the glamazon was none other than Brooke Shields herself, quite possibly too nice a woman for this ugly fashion racket. (More on that later.)
The most remarkable thing about Brooke’s appearance was that it inspired Suede to quoth: “No one comes between me and my Calvins.”
Suede can say the word me!!!!
The designers pitched their outfits to Brooke, who made some questionable choices. For starters, she accepted the animal print suggestion from a girl who with a tattoo sleeve who was dressed head-to-toe in animal print (that would Kelli). Also, she went with Blayne’s bermuda short get-up because nothing spells glamour like a bermuda short. It’s possible that Brooke lost her sense of style somewhere in the Blue Lagoon.
They were working in teams of two, always good for some extra dramer. The partners broke down like this (team leader named first):
Keith and Kenley
Terri and Suede
Korto and (hiss, boo!) Joe
Kelli and Daniel
Jerell and Stella
Blayne and Leanne
The duos were supposed to create day-to-night outfits with a hint of bohemian glamour (whatever that is) and this prospect seemed to daunt and confuse the designers, because they made some butt-ugly get-ups. I mean, seriously. These things were hideous.
Onto the drama:
Terri thought that Suede couldn’t sew and managed to use the words “balls” “vajajay” and “titties” in one triumphant sentence, but they somehow worked it out.
Competitive Mormon Keith thought that Kenley should “shut her mouth and stick to sewing”—but was wise enough to take her suggestions and make his feather duster look more tailored.
Daniel thought that Kelli didn’t share his high-end taste and expressed his disappointment by created the world’s most jacked up pencil skirt.
Joe seemed to really dig Korto’s orange jacket until Tim came by and then, sensing Tim’s skepticism, he deemed the jacket big and poofy. Korto rattled off a new variation of the “throw your teammate under the bus” reality TV metaphor, kept her rage in check, and fixed her damn jacket.
Leanne, perhaps so stunned by the fact that she was making a pair of shorts, seemed to get along with Blayne.
And, biggest surprise of all. . .Jerell and Stella worked together famously. (Actually, this is the first episode where I really liked Jerell: He had the last pick of partners and, instead of making Stella feel like dirt, he immediately gave her a leather-related pep talk and seemed genuinely glad to have her on his team. Kenley, take notes.)
Down the runway they went. From ugly (Kenley and Keith) to uglier (Blayne and Leanne) to cover that thing up with a blanket (Kelli and Daniel.)
I actually liked Terri’s flouncy paisley blouse and—shocker—Jerrel and Stella’s tone-on-tone belted dress, but again, these are the lesser among evils.
Have I mentioned that these outfits were ugly?
Brooke, too, seemed to like Jerrel’s creation. How do we know this? Because of a subtle, but barely perceptible change in her demeanor? Because keen observers could see she was writing the words “Nice look” in her notes? Nope, because she smiled at him and mouthed a vigorous “Yes!” when his dress sashayed down the runway. Way to keep that poker face, pretty baby.
So, the top two were Jerrel and Stella and Kenley and Keith. I actually hated Keith and Kenley’s creation—hell will freeze over before I go anywhere wearing cascading brown feathers on my ass, but somehow they won.
The bottom two were Blayne and Leanne and Kelli and Daniel. The judges all agreed that Blayne’s outfit was a hot tanny mess (see what I did there?. . . with the tanny? I kill myself). But Blayne actually did the gentlemanly thing and said that the outfit was his concept and therefore, his fault.
Kelli’s outfit revealed questionable taste (on both Kelli’s part and Brooke Shield’s, if you ask me), leading Daniel to defend his well-documented high end taste and Kenley to laugh wickedly in his poor, confused face.
In the end, Kelli was deemed tacky and looked like she was going to cut a bitch named Nina Garcia. But if was her time to be made aufwiedelicous.