Thursday, November 15, 2007

No Moo Shu For You! The ANTM recap

I wonder if Heather’s domination of Cover Girl of the Week is in jeopardy with her little “I called shotgun on the shower” meltdown. It’s not that we haven’t seen other girls go postal over similarly insignificant things, it’s just there was something scarily intense about Heather’s anger. (As Saleisha said, “I think she wanted to do voodoo on me.”). In the past, the signs of Heather’s disorder have been flimsy at best: She’s often shown withdrawn, sitting away from the other girls, staring into space, or—in a nice touch from last night's episode—beatifically arranging flowers. But this was the first time she seemed out-of-control. I worried for her.
Ahhh, who am I kidding? No doubt she will win CGoTW again and we’ll get Ashley from Madison writing in to say, "It was FIERCE the way she went all naked gangstah on their skinny asses."
(Speaking of Cover Girl of the Week, the glamorous life of Jaslene never ends. This week WalMart, next week....Sam’s Club! Hey, a girl can dream.)
Meanwhile, big props to Chantal for correctly deciphering the “you will be aMUSED” Tyra mail. When Chantal said, “They’re going to teach us to be inspiring,” I wrote in my notes, “wow, randomly good guess”—and damned if she wasn’t right. I’m sure the other girls were sure they were going to an amusement park.
You gotta laugh over the counter programming here: As Project Runway instantly becomes the preferred reality show of fashion-conscious TV viewers, ANTM does their own little mini version of the show. (Although I thought they took it too far when Benny Ninja told the models to “make it work.”)*
I don’t have much to say about the little fashion show except I’m pretty sure Bianca’s designer wanted her to channel Cleopatra, as in Queen of Egypt. Not Cleopatra Jones, as in queen of the blaxploitation pics. Whatev. Once again, Jeneh ruled the runway and wuz robbed.
The little desert photo shoot was cool, although I wish they had made it a little more clear that the car wasn’t actually about to blow up.
Finally, so harsh to have all the girls jumping up and down, thinking they’re all going to China before the elimination. It reminds me of a joke my father once told me:
An army sergeant finds out the mother of one of his soldiers has died.
He doesn’t know how to break the news and tries to come up with the most sensitive way to do it.
So he lines up all his troops and says, “Everyone with a mother please step forward. Not you, Miller.”
Oh well, I guess you could say that Ambreal got two bonus weeks. Kind of a shame, because I thought she looked gorgeous in her photo this week.
Also, what’s up with the new conventional wisdom that Lisa is fading in the competition? Uh, didn’t she win the Enrique Iglesias challenge last week and get her named called first? Oh well, they tried to pull that same shit on Jaslene from last season and look at her now! Clean up aisle six, bitches!

*Just kidding. He didn’t actually say that.

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