Spit take: The Project Runway recap

Oh dear. And I thought the designers from past seasons were jealous last week, when the newbies got all those fancy fabrics to work with.
But this week, ay dios mio, they really flaunted the new production budget, didn’t they?
In seasons past, so-called fashion icons have included flight attendants, mailmen, and Miss America. This season, in week two no less, they’re rolling out Sarah Jessica Parker! Carrie Bradshaw herself, people. It’s no wonder that big ol' lovable ’mo Chris was crying. Who’s coming next week? Liza?
Speaking of crying. New drinking game: Drink every time Ricky cries. At first, he seemed all newly fierce and confident when he switched up models on the runway. But then, after his original model was eliminated (as if he didn’t see that coming), he started bawling. . .and pretty much didn’t stop until the episode ended. Come to think of it, when playing the Crying Ricky drinking game, consider O’Douls. (In fairness, I thought his belted dress was quite fetching and even had a chance to win.)
Ah, the one woman entertainment emporium that is Elisa was at it again. I love this woman, with her diaphanous dresses and her nonsensical new age ramblings. Elisa seemed genuinely surprised that Sweet Pea wasn’t familiar with the “spit mark” technique of essence imbuing. At first Sweet Pea assumed, reasonably under the circumstances I suppose, that this was in lieu of a chalk mark. But Elisa set her straight: “I want to imbibe it with energy and essence,” she said, as matter-of-factly, as if she had just uttered, “I want to lengthen the hem line a bit.” But damned if Elisa didn’t pull it off again. Her polymorphic capey thing (no, I have no idea what it means either) was pretty sweet.
But not nearly as sweet as the dress of our rightful winner, Victorya. I hate to be a front runner here, but Victorya is really emerging as my favorite designer of the competition. I’ve loved both of her pieces—a lot. Girl has taste.
By the way, how obvious was it when elaborate facial hair boy (aka Kevin) tried to take credit for Victorya’s dress?:
SPJ: The colors really work.
Kevin: Thank you.
SPJ: I really love how you listened to what I said.
Kevin: Thank you.
I hate to break the news to ya Kevin, but not only did you not listen to SPJ (she picked Victorya’s design, not yours) you left girlfriend hanging in the dreaded unfinished handshake. Yes, go back and watch the tape. You burned Sarah Jessica Parker with a hand forsake. Way to go, genius.
Another genius move that also backfired? Carmen Webber trying to subliminally sear her name into SPJ’s subconscious. “Carmen like the opera and Webber like the baller,” she explained. Two side notes on that honey:
1. Just a guess here, but SPJ probably isn’t much of a hoops fan.
2. That Chris Webber reference feels very 1999. You might consider changing your last name to Ming or Duncan.
Carmen, of course, wasn’t chosen. Instead, she was paired with the overly confident Christian, who I still kind of love despite his fashion misfire this week. (Christian highlight: When the camera panned to him primping himself during the model styling session. Hey, a boy can’t be expected to ignore all those mirrors.) This is the second week in a row that Christian has completely defied Tim Gunn’s advice. Last week, it worked. This week: Not so much. His Wang Chung-inspired get up was a world of wrong. But at least it led to it the Michael Kors Bitchtastic Quip of the Week ™: “Put on some big button earrings and you’re on The Facts of Life.” Tootie, call your office.
As for Marion? Too be honest, I hated his little hats so I was happy to see him go. Sorry if that’s a fairly shallow assessment, but hey, it’s episode two, what do you expect?