Thursday, November 15, 2007

Train Wreck: The Project Runway Recap


Welcome to the most gaytastic season of Project Runway ever! Let the hair pulling begin!

Oh, how I love drag queen outfitter Chris, who is like the (overfed) love child of Ricky Gervais and Nathan Lane. “You want me to make a dress out of salad?” he says with been-there-done-that fabulousness. “Already have!” (Cut to a pic of a transvestite in a truly fierce iceburg lettuce skirt.)

Then there’s Maryland’s own Christian, he of the Edward Scissorhands hairdo, the outsized attitude, and (possibly?) the talent to match. As Heidi aptly noted of his weirdly wonderful puffy sleeved jacket, “It grows on you.”

Next there’s that puddle of insecurities Ricky, who I just want to throw a quilt over and give a hug (he barely survived with his competent, but uninspiring mini dress.) Son, you need a thimble over all your skin.

Also noteworthy, Kevin “I’m not gay!” from New Jersey. Huh. No straight man I know has a beard that complicated.

Let us not forget Rami, who has already designed for the likes of Jessica Alba. (Does this dude really need the competition?) He won the first challenge, despite the fact that his dress looked like a toga (albeit a toga made of very expensive fabric) and Michael Kors dropped my new favorite fashion putdown, “MOB”—as in mother of the bride. (Oh no he di’in’t!) Rami’s kind of hot, in a Eurotrash, Right Said Fred sort of way—much hotter in my opinion than six-packed Jack, who is the designated heartthrob of the season (and knows it)—but I kind of can’t wait to see his ego get knocked down a few pegs. Agreed?

Speaking of hot? Are the girls gorgeous this season, or what? Carmen is the actual former model, but to be honest, half of these designers could be models. Of course, they are as crazy as they are beautiful.

We have a girl named Sweet Pea who, apparently, turns into Mean Pea (heh) when crossed and used to be in an all-girl biker gang. We have another girl who goes by the nickname “Pistol” and favors berets. And we have the looniest of them all—Elisa, who makes marionettes, uses her own body as a dress form, and drops lots of metaphors about the sea and the earth and the wind. Elisa is the kind of woman who would inspire last season’s rosette-happy Angela to say, “Wow, what a flake.” The disgusted look on Tim’s face as Elisa smeared her fabric with grass stains was priceless.

Which, of course, brings us to the first challenge. I bet contestants from past seasons are PISSED. They had to make dresses out of shower curtains and corn husks and coffee filters, and these divas get $50,000 worth of fabric? However, as one of the designers pointed out—sorry, I forget which one—creating a piece that is supposed to define you as a designer is an intense, philosophical question. No gimmicks out the gate. Be fierce, or be gone.

As for the aforementioned Elisa, she is lucky to have survived. Hers was the “train wreck,” as Nina called it, of my title (get it? Her train was an actual wreck?) The hilarious part was that underneath all that fabric (and metaphor) was actually a pretty cool dress. I also loved the way she huffily collected her mounds of dress as she was asked to leave the runway. It was like, "I'm taking my train and leaving!"

I also dug the dress by Victorya, even if there was a little too much bondage in that garment for my taste.

I already told you what I thought of Rami’s dress: Overrated! (But then again, Tim Gunn said it was stunning—so what do I know?).

I would’ve picked Christian for the win. And no, it’s not a Maryland homeboy thing. It's just that his outfit kind of ruled. I anticipate a catfight between Rami and Christian, the likes of which we haven’t seen since Alexis and Crystal threw down on Dynasty!


1 comment:

Violet said...

I was stunned that Chris wasn't the winner! That gold and purple slinky thing ruled, especially with the model's skin. And all that from a chubby guy who huffed and puffed to the tent only to pick at all the gym rats and yoga goddess's leavings! Mad props.

I was sorry no one picked up the fun fur zebra thing from the tent. That would have been my first choice.