Swatch Out! The Project Runway recap

For the first time this young season, I’m starting to like Jack. Okay, partly it’s because he revealed that he is HIV positive. Somehow this makes his 2-percent body fat, hair-gelled-to-perfection vanity more tolerable. Also, he took off his pants and let others trace his pattern (sounds dirtier than it is). And finally, he carried Christian around in a man bag. What’s not to like?
I’m also beginning to suspect that fancy beard boy (a.k.a. Kevin) might, indeed, be straight. He was the only one who knew who Tiki Barber was, while the rest stared slack-jawed at the bald, thick-necked, badonkadonked specimen before them.
Geez. Designing menswear must be hard, because I’ve never seen the designers in a such a panic. I’ve also never seen such unfinished drek make it’s way down the runway.
Usually the scenario goes like this: Designers panic! they run out of time! the task is impossible! they won’t make it!!!
Aaaaaaaaaand . . .then they do.
Not this week, no siree. Instead of sending a shirt down the runway, Carmen sent down a swatch of fabric. (In a lovely shade of blue, to be sure, but a fabric swatch, people!) Sweet P’s shirt collar was a hot mess; it looked like the surviving piece of clothing after a car wreck. (And her tie was almost floor-length.) Ricky’s get-up had safety pins all over it. (“I hope they don’t see the pins,” he mumbled. Honey, Nina would notice a stray thread.) Tubby Chris, who designs for lots of men (but not the kind who wear trousers), asked Tim, “Do you think [Tiki] likes hot pants?” Even eventual winner Jack scrapped his plans for a jacket and just went with a safe shirt/trousers combo.
The biggest surprise of the show? Elisa. Who knew she was all shy? I would’ve expected her to want all of her models to be nude, so they could explore each other’s essences and roll around in the mud together. But noooo, she actually turned her back when her male model disrobed. Then she said the following: “I’ve only fitted intimately with my boyfriend.” (Sounds dirty. . .probably is dirty.)
Okay, who else thinks that Tiki Barber’s wife looks like Kimora Lee Simmons?
Who is else is amused that world class athlete Tiki Barber is self conscious about his big butt?
Finally, who thought the wrong guy won? Jack’s outfit was boring. Kit’s had real style. (Although her double-barreled winking when the designers left the runway was disturbing. One wink is cute. Two winks and you become that strange winking woman.). I also liked Kevin’s get up. And frankly, when Michael Kors says, “That outfit is more David Beckham than Tiki Barber” there’s a word for that—oh yeah, a compliment.
Speaking of which, here’s the Michael Kors Bitchtastic Quip of the Week ™: “Those trousers are built for a Boogie Nights star.” (Sounds dirty. . . well, you get the drill.)
Oh well, I was sad to see Carmine go. I like the fact that her voice was deeper than Christian’s. Also, she seemed like she had some potential drama in her. But you can’t send your model down the runway with a fabric swatch. When it comes to the runway, you can’t say, “Garment implied.” Or “Here’s a shirt: yada, yada, yada, you know the drill.” You need a sleeve, preferably two. And possibly a collar of some sort. So Carmine is OUT.